I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
