thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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