shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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