I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
