In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize