honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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