listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
