babies were throwing up all over the place
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
