I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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