I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
