Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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