"it" just moved
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
