I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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