Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
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Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
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The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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