I love black thongs
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
