was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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