She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
