I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
