His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
