About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Randomize