when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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