unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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