yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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