i think i have herpe
just one?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
