don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
