I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Send help, water and tortillas.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
