Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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