Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
