mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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