peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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