I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
