I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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