so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
