Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
