What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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