:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
