I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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