My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
