someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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