I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
