With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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