No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
