i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
