he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
