Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize