I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
