soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
