Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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