We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
