I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
