dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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