no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
