I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
