I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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