he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you told grandpa to call you daddy
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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