Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
