my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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