God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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