I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
