then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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