Who wears a wallet chain?!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
