Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
