playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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