i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
