so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
