Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
