I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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