best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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